he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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