I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
