My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize