i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
