i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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