I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
