At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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