So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
