maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
