it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
