Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
