At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
