Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think my moral compass just broke
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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