We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
