dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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