21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i now understand why vodka
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
