My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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