he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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