awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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