We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
