i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
