Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
