and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
