I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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