Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
