I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
