whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
