I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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