In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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