So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
