Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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