So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
