my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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