woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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