Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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