he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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