Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
