come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
