He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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