I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
