It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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