I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize