Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
