she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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