thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
