nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
