We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize