that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
