The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
