she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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