why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Holy shit dude........stairs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
