Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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