And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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