I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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