I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
