Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
