i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I am morally bankrupt
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
