I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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