Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
