i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
