Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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