So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
