we're blogging at a bar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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