dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
