I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
