he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
