Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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