is your mom at the bar?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize