i barfeds in our rink
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
