How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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