Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
