just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I want is dick and wine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
