Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
