five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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