So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Plan B is the new Plan A
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
