so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
