Kiss
Puke
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
