i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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