Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
