Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
