just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
