I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
