Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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