operation have a gay friend backfired
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
