i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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